This post mentions sexual abuse briefly.
“Never hold yourself back from trying something new just because you’re afraid you won’t be good enough. You’ll never get the opportunity to do your best work if you’re not willing to first do your worst and then let yourself learn and grow.” ~Lori Deschene
The year 2022 has been the most difficult of my life. Before that, I had survived a brain tumour.
It was a fairly innocent start to my 30th year. I lived in Long Beach with my boyfriend at the time and had a beautiful ring on my hand. The relationship was developing quickly, and it seemed to be a kismet. Unfortunately, our relationship ended around June. And that’s when the madness began.
The extreme heat of summer is what I think caused this pain to surface from my pores. Except the pain didn’t evaporate. The pain remained stagnant.
The memories of sexual abuse as a young child were painful. I felt a sense of extreme helplessness. Every night I would have nightmares and wake up feeling a terrible sense of shame. This made me suicidal.
After I became aware of the severity of my depression, PTSD and other symptoms, I began to be hospitalized every two weeks.